It’s Still A Faith Walk

It has been about three years since I have blogged. Time has flown by and the one thing that I can attest to is that Faith has been a constant in my life. Where do I begin? I can’t tell everything there is to tell about how God has walked with me on this journey of life. To do so would make this a book and not a blog. What I will tell you is that through the many trials, times of sadness, and the many persecutions we have endured, God has kept us. He has remained faithful to all of us.

No matter what it looks like or what it felt like, we made it through. Having the courage to keep going, fighting, standing, and pressing is a prayer that I pray daily. Here recently within this past year, we have lost some dear friends and loved ones. The majority were unexpected losses and some not even living to see their 50th birthday. One in particular left behind a husband and three kids at the age of 44. One week she’s going in for a routine doctor appointment with a concern of coughing and some back pain. She’s given a short amount of time to live and a diagnosis that no 44 year old wife and mother want to hear. Stage 4 cancer that is a rare cancer and the prognosis is not good. I can’t imagine her thoughts. A week? Two weeks? What are you saying? I won’t see my kids finish growing up? I won’t be there to see my sons eventually become husbands and my daughter graduate high school? How can that be? I only came in for what I thought could be asthma. Not this.

The pain and agony I know the family is feeling now is too horrific. She was such a beautiful person inside and out. I haven’t seen her in decades but I grew up with her. We went to school together and our families are interconnected. Where I come from we would call her family—a distant cousin so to speak. The one thing I know that since she has passed, more people have picked up the phone and called their long lost friends. They have texted and vowed to stay connected no matter how busy life can become. The day the news hit, communities across the Cayce and West Columbia areas were hit with a blow. The earth quaked that day because no flower as pretty as our Tammy could have caused the rippling affects in our hearts. There are certain things that connect us all whether we have not seen a person or not spoken with them in decades. These bonds can never be broken and it’s because of love, community, and childhood memories. It’s the pure thoughts and childhood innocence that keeps our hearts knitted together. I know I have called and texted many and I still have a list to go. My goal is to be more intentional. Love a little harder, laugh louder, and live a little more. I don’t want to waste time on the minuscule things that tend to weigh us down. I want to do as we were instructed to do by the author of Hebrews 12:1-2

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭12:1-2‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Empty Nest · Enjoying Life Without Guilt · Needing Some Me Time · Parenting Young Adults · Taking Time for Me · Uncategorized

A Free Saturday But Why I am feeling this way? 

Today is Saturday and it actually felt SO good to NOT have anywhere I HAD to be, to NOT have any schedules, to NOT have to drive or fly to participate in my kids’ extracurricular activities. For the first Saturday in a very long time I have either been packing, purging, moving from one house to the next, unpacking, taking someone to train athletically,  or to get a hair cut, or to attend a function. Hopefully you are beginning to get the message I’m trying to send. 

Life has been so complicated as of late that it has forced me to condition myself to NOT knowing any other way but busyness, schedules, and fatigue. So today I should have kicked backed, listened to some music, relaxed,  or ate a favorite meal to celebrate this day. Instead, I was tired, achy, kind of somber, and not at all in a celebratory mood to enjoy my free Saturday. Somewhere  on the inside of me, I felt like I should be doing something. You know I could have went to the grocery store, walked around and shopped until my cart was too heavy to push. I could have went to that huge SAMs and stocked up on drinks and food. That would have been productive, but instead I chose NOT to “do SAMs”. Today I chose NOT to rip and run and wear myself out, only to be tired and exhausted later. 

That decision made me feel like I was not taking advantage of the time I had to “get things done”. I knew the famous and most popular question would come, “What’s for dinner?” I am a wife and mother and that’s what we do right? We make sure there is food on the table just waiting for someone to grab a plate and a fork to eat it. Well today, I chose not one of the most healthiest places, but by popular vote, Popeyes Chicken to be the chef!  I figured I killed more than two birds with that stone: 1) no grocery store trip 2) no prep work and 3) no cooking for me. All I had to do was get in my car and drive 15 minutes to the nearest location, order, and then return home. 

Why The Guilt? 

Part of me writing this post is to say that sometimes we don’t enjoy our free time because we don’t know how to enjoy it. We feel guilty for just taking a day off and doing absolutely nothing. We allow ourselves to work as machines and then when our bodies start to fail us, we wonder why and how did this occur? 

For me, I have to learn it’s okay to relax. That, in itself, is hard for me because after being a wife for 23 years and a mother for 20 years, that’s pretty much all I know is “doing”, “serving”, and “‘making it happen”. Today I switched things up. I did somethings I normally don’t do. The part I have to work on is being at peace with my decisions to not be the race horse or the “go to person”. I have to learn to say “no” and by now everyone in my household is capable of doing for themselves. In fact of the six persons, five of them can drive and take some of the load off me. 

My Prayer 

My prayer for me today and for others like me is to understand that God created rest for us all. It is written that even He rested on the seventh day. Let us not feel guilty or less of a person for taking time to absolutely do Nothing. 

Side note: I did take longer time on my hair and I put on makeup today which is something I usually don’t do. I went to the mall and exchanged an item and invested some dollars on myself. All of these are huge wins because for one part of my day, I took care of me and did something as minute and simple to some, For Me! Oh and I can’t leave out the fact that I treated myself to an ice cream cone! 

Yes, it started off rough but my day ended quite selfishly and I don’t feel guilty at all!